Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Just..thankful..for life

Lately before bed, I send happy thoughts out to the universe. I think of all the things I am thankful for. I guess you could call it a prayer.

When I was a child and I went to a First Southern Baptist church I always thought of prayers as more of asking god for things. I went to Sunday school every week. I went to sermon. I eventually went to youth group and was asked to never to return to church for getting into a fight with the pastor's daughter. So much for being a "house of god."

I don't like that. And I am not sure there is a god. I feel there must be something bigger and more spiritual then us but I just don't know. I do know that much of like is chance and there is nothing making everything happen. It is just happening.

Why am I blessed with so many healthy pregnancies when there are so many women who cannot conceive? Women who probably "deserve" them more then I do. My husband often says no one deserves anything. And I can see his point. Life happens. Does someone as pessimistic and sad as me deserve a giant gorgeous house? It is just what life has brought me to. Do I deserve to be outcast by my neighbors? Does any of us deserve anything ever?

So I am thankful. I am thankful for my gorgeous healthy children. Thankful for our glorious house. I am thankful for things to entertain me. I am thankful we have enough food and water. I am thankful for tea. I am thankful for the chance to make my own decisions about my birth. I am thankful for friends to laugh with. I am thankful I am alive. 

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