Thursday, January 05, 2012

him

He comes home from work. Hours after dark. The kids have been asking when he would be home. "I don't know." I tell them. Because I never know. He doesn't communicate anything with me. If I text or call while he is at work he gets annoyed. "I'm working," is what he will answer with. He doesn't say hello or acknowledge I am there. He goes straight to the mail and starts asking me why I didn't do this or that or pay this.

He is such a hippocrite.

He makes me sad.

Three or four times over his two week winter vacation from work, I went over to a friend's house to watch silly T.V. shows and have a good time. Because he no longer makes me laugh. He watches serious shows that really do not interest me. I like to laugh. So I went to a friend's house and stayed out very late.

On New Year's Eve he was angry. He said I don't seem to care for my family. I don't like my kids. Because I went out while he was at home on vacation. Because I thought him being home meant the kids had their dad, and I could go laugh. No. I am a terrible mom and a terrible human being because I didn't stay home and stare at him on his laptop. Or watch Dexter with him. Dexter is creepy. Especially on our giant HDTV.

I do EVERYTHING for this family. I am the only one who does.

Seven years ago, he was all I wanted. And now he only makes me sad. Nothing I do is good enough for him. Now I don't know what I want anymore.

I do know one thing. I love me. I am a caring person. And I do not deserve to be put down everyday for stupid little things that do not matter. 

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