I've been thinking. In the quiet. When my kids are cuddly. I am sure my parents cuddled with me. I just can't remember it. I remember my dad leaving. And coming back randomly. And just not being there when I needed him. And I needed him so. I remember my mom being locked away in her room with her friends.
Why do I not remember giggles? Or cuddles?
I remember watching the little mermaid over and over. And it was on VHS so I had to beg mom to rewind it. I seem to recall that whenever I did things on my own, and left her alone she was happy. I wanted so much to make her happy. I want so much to have parents who love me.
My dad claims he loves me. He doesn't realize how much his absence hurts. How him not being around for most of my life, feels like he doesn't love me.
Children need their parents to be present. As an adult child I realize this. As a mother I realize this.
I just wish my parents would.