While everyone I know is pregnant, I am trying to stop those baby thoughts. While studying, I try to imagine what will be next. While rocking my baby to sleep, I tell him not to grow so fast. While kissing my daughter's tear filled eyes, I try not to remember my own. While watching my 2nd grader strugle, I try not to lecture him on how good he has it.
I try and I try. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I lie to myself. Sometimes I ignore the pain. Sometimes I still cry, not really knowing a reason why. Sometimes I just need a hug, but no one is ever there.
I look at myself in the mirror, and I tell her how strong and brave she is. I look around at my life, and I know this is where I belong.
Sometimes you only have yourself, and that really has to be enough.