Lily walks over to me and says, "I need my diapey changed." I lay her on the pink changing pad. I am immediately flashed back to the time in third grade when I was sent to school in pink sweat pants and a diaper. I still wore diapers to bed in third grade because I wet the bed every night. My class mates found out. And they made fun of me.
Raising children brings so much of the child in me back. Every day little nothing things happen and I am taken back to a memory. Sometimes they are good memories. More often though, they are humiliating.
Lily is two and she asks to have her diaper change. I know in third grade I used to get myself dressed, make cereal and walk myself to school on most days. My mom worked nights so she was always asleep during the morning. I don't know how I ended up at school in a diaper and my pajamas. But I remember how embarrassed I was for being teased about it for the rest of the year.
As a mother, I wish I could protect my children from little traumas they will inevitably go through. I wish I could go back and protect little me. But this is life. Things happen. Things shape us into the people we are and will become.
I have a lot of anxiety about potty training my daughter. I have sat her on the potty. Read potty books. Talked a lot about the potty. I just want it to be a positive experience for her. My precious sweet fire-cracker messy haired lightning bug.