He wraps his chubby fist around my middle finger. I hear his suck suck swallow as he nurses. His other hand rubs up and down my back just as I do him when I am trying to calm him. His little brown eyes study me and memorize my face. I smile. I want to remember what this was like forever. I wish I could take this moment and hang it on my wall. When he is grown and far away I will remember that he once needed me.
Every morning I hear the bang bang bang of Lily trying to open her door. She has yet to figure out how to open the doorknobs in our new house. I rush to her as fast as I can so she wont wake anyone else up. I open the door to hear "HI MOMMY! Are you awake?" We go downstairs and I give her some milk. Her hair is a wild mess. Her eyes are big and curious. I want to remember our moments alone. I feel so much quilt for having another baby when she was only 18 months old. She didn't get much time to be my baby. But she still is my baby. Though she walks and talks and is almost ready to quit diapers. I hug her close and smell her smell. My girl. My darling princess baby girl. The best girl in the whole world.
And Eric. My first baby. Sometimes when he is sleeping I look at him and see the first newborn I ever held. Sometimes I see the goofy toddler I used to play with in Arizona. But other times he is so grown up. He wants to know everything about everything. I teach him what I can. I tell him he is still my first baby. He tells me he always will be. I want to remember that forever.