Sunday, November 15, 2009

Its a relief to know that some people come to motherhood easily. That a new baby is not difficult for them to care for. That motherhood is natural. Some of us (me) grew up without a real mother. Some of us had never been around a baby before having one. Some of us didn't plan on getting pregnant so young. Some of us have fussy colicky babies that scream and cry for hours without any end. Some of us don't have supportive family nearby to help.

I would never call my view of motherhood negative. I would call it realistic. The pros outweigh the cons on most days. But some days, some days, I don't know how people do this. Some days I wonder if I am the worst mother on the planet. Some days I think about all my hopes and dreams and wonder what I would be like, were I childless. I gave up those dreams for my kids. I gave up my youth. I do not regret that decision. But it is still there. The "what ifs."

Right now, I love my life. It really could not get any better. I am thrilled to be a mom. And I feel more comfortable at it now than I ever have. I have realized, what is important. Not being the "best" mom. But just being myself. Just being a good mom to MY kids. When I had Lily I was determined to do it "right" this time. I read every parenting book I could get my hands on. But she cried, a lot. She nursed all day and I never got anything done.Eric ran wild in our apartment while I sat nursing Lily most of the day. I felt I was a failure. But I am and was not. She is a wonderful, charming, intelligent little girl. And I am her mother. There is no "right" way to mother. You just do what you can. Or what you know how. Or what you feel is "right" for your situation.

We are all in this life together. We should support each other. Cheer for each other accomplishments. Sure, in my world, a shower before noon is an accomplishment. But I feel damn good when I get that shower. And that is okay with me.


dustin k said...

Your views of motherhood and of life are both very insightful. Life can be difficult, especially for those of us who didn't have it all that easy to begin with. I've been quite the lurker on your blog lately and I'd just like to say that I find your situation to be very inspiring. I can tell that you are a strong woman and that your family depends on you for so much. Stay strong for their sake and yours!

Super Blogger Girl! said...

True that. While I both envy and despise mothers that consider what they do "easy" I also admire them. It's a love hate thing. I guess it's easier to say someone is a bad mom or being negative when your blessed with a baby who never cries and sleeps all night and a husband who makes enough money for you to stay at home all day. I don't want to say I have it hard but when im negative it's my way of relieving stress as well. Your doing fine and so am I. We just have to ignore those who consider us negative because we don't sugar coat things.