Yesterday I forgot to take my medication. I usually take it at 7:30 every morning. A long with my prenatal vitamin and coffee. I didn't wake up until 7:30 yesterday. I forgot.
My mom was angry at me for going on anti depressants. She said they "change your brain." They are not good. After going on and off them since Lily was born I have come to realize that I really do need them.
So yesterday, Husband woke up grumpy because he didn't get to sleep until noon. He had to get up and watch the babies while Eric and I took Moo to puppy class. Then I took Eric to buy new shoes because the ones he had you could see his big toe through. And I love shopping, so I was in a GREAT mood when we got home. Husband wasn't. He was complaining about everything. I can't even remember what, but I remember feeling like I wanted to run away. So he said something to me. I got angry. I yelled. I kicked Gamma's excersaucer across the room. Lily began to cry. Husband told me to "Get the fuck out of his house."
So I did. I walked around for a while. I realized I was being irrational. I sat down and hugged my knees and ran my hands through my hair. What was wrong with me? Why was I so angry? Then I remembered I had forgotten my meds. Oh yeah. So I went back home and took them.
Husband came over to me and hugged me. He didn't day anything. Then he looked me in the eye and said, "Sometimes I forget that before we had kids, it was just me and you." And he apologized. He told me the reason he told me to leave was so that I would calm down. It worked. I cried. He NEVER apologizes. Sometimes I feel so very unloved. But yesterday I looked around and everyone in this house loves me. And I love them.