Wednesday, February 11, 2009

My due date is 6 days away. Everyone I know who is due the same week already has a baby. I am only having contractions that wont do anything. No progress in 3 weeks. Just like when I was pregnant with Lily. And just like when I was pregnant with Lily my doctor wont do anything about it until I am over due. So I have to be in pain. For who knows how long because they wont schedule my induction. After my midwife promised to induce me at 39 weeks, the OB wouldn't let her. Why the fuck would you promise a depressed pregnant woman something you cannot deliver?

I was put in the hospital last week. I was told to see a therapist. I went to my therapy appointment and my therapist wasn't around 20 minutes after my scheduled appointment. So I came home to my kids.

My original due date was February 5th. I honestly thought I'd have a baby that week. They measured him by ultrasound very early on and changed my due date to the 17th.

Last night at one point when I laid in bed yelling out in pain husband came upstairs and asked me if I was being murdered by monsters. No, just the "monster" he put inside me. 

I just want to know, what the fuck did I do in my life to deserve all of this? Why does life hate me? 

My mom has been here since Friday but is leaving tomorrow. She has been super helpful this time around. I begged her to stay another week and she wont. Just like my whole life, she only half cares. 

If only I wasn't too scared to try castor oil. Which my midwife said I could if I wanted. 

3 comments:

Super Blogger Girl! said...

gamma will be here before you know it!

Valeta said...

Yeah. I'm sick of being told that.

Andrea said...

*HUG* I'm sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but there isn't. But I'm thinking of you. Feel free to email if you want to talk!