Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Dumb things Valeta did the first month of living in her dream home:

Scrub a spot on the floor for five minutes before realizing it was a design in the tile.

Take a shower in view of a group of construction workers

Lose the baby

Lose the baby again

Fall down the stairs

Put things meant to go in the fridge in the freezer

Lock herself out of her dream home

Put thinks meant to be refrigerated in the pantry

Put too much detergent in the washing machine

Lose a pair of boots

Lose the baby's shoes

Lose a vlogging camera


(So, just a normal month, really.)

Sunday, February 09, 2014

I am exhausted.

I am exhausted. That is not a complaint. That is a fact. I'm sitting in my bed, utterly exhausted.

Today was another normal yet amazing day. My baby danced and giggled. My preschooler laughed his loud belly laugh at something I did not witness. My first grader helped me pack her room. My fifth grader waved his arms around in giant circles making me laugh. They all talked to me today.

There were times I was frustrated. There were times when some of them cried. There was a lot of poop. There were messes that needed cleaning.

But I sit here, in my bed, utterly and completely exhausted and content.

Thank you life, for being what you are.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Yesterday

So things since October have been difficult for my oldest child. If you watch my vlog then you already know a little. Yesterday he had another bad day. In the morning he had a large mark on his neck. He told me he was messing around with the blinds and got the blind chord wrapped around his neck. Effectively leaving a large rope burn mark on the side of his neck. This scared the hell out of me. He said he had a headache so I gave him one regular strength tylenol (he is big enough for one.) While I was changing the baby, he broke the pill up and shoved it up his nose. I did not see him do this. Husband took him to school and did not notice anything different about him.

I get a call an hour later that Eric has a bloody nose. I rush down to the school and he does not. He appears fine. I talk to him and his special ed teacher and she says he can go back to class. I agree because he seems fine. As I drive home I start to freak out. I cry. I get home and don't know what to do. My husband never answers calls/texts/IMs when he is at work. I message him anyway. I ask Eric's bio dad to call me. He says he gets off in an hour.

So I post "Why me?" on face.book. Probably....no, definitely, a mistake. Never post about feelings on face.book. Ever. Anyway, as I share what happened I get bombarded with A LOT of advice. People start messaging me. I was probably given at least 20 numbers to call. Told I need to take him to the E.R. right away. I called Eric's psychiatrist and counselor and left messages. And as I waited for them to return my calls I was continually bombarded with "advice."

Then it really started to piss me off. None of these people know 100% of the story. None of them are doctors or trained professionals. What the fuck gives any of them the right to think THEY know better then ME or his DOCTOR? Guess what? THEY FUCKING DON'T!

With all things parenting - you have to just accept peoples advice and use what you  really need. I really did feel bullied yesterday. And hurt. A few people who I thought were my best friends acted like I was a terrible mom if I didn't rush my kid off to the E.R. I took him to the E.R. the last time he was suicidal. He was literally telling me he wished his life would end, trying to jump out of his bedroom window. They sat us in a room for four hours and in the end only called his counselor. They also charged me $700 for it. Guess what? I can call his doctors and counselors FOR FREE.

The thing that really bothers me is that some of the people giving me advice - are complete hypocrites. A lot of the things they were telling me I need to be doing they never do themselves.

Eric's psychiatrist and counselor did call me back. He has appointments on Monday and Thursday. I am watching him closely. He will not be left unsupervised at all. He is safe. That is all that matters. If "friends" can't accept that I am doing what is best for him they can fuck off.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

This is my everyday.

"We all have these days." she says with a smile. I look at her. "No, this is my everyday."

She was behind us in the check out of the grocery store. I had all four of my children with me. I don't take all of them with me unless I have to. It just so happened that Lily NEEDED something for school the next day and I had forgotten about it until 5:30 p.m. on a Monday after Eric's fencing class. The baby was hungry and fussy. Gamma was restless and bored. Lily was curious and wanted everything. Eric was pouty and sad. I was stressed, as usual.

Life with four kids is often stressful. I wasn't yelling at them. I was calm. I just grabbed what I had to grab and got in line. The baby had already eaten the crackers I had in my bag for her. I just wanted to GET HOME and make a salad to go with the chili that was in my crock pot. I wasn't paying attention to anyone around me. I had my eyes on the prize. Home.

Then the well intention-ed stranger said that thing to me. I put the kids in the car.

I silently cried on the way home.


I can't believe this is what has become of my life. Where everyday a stranger just HAS to say something to me about the fact that I have A LOT of children. I am WELL AWARE I have four children.

I know we all have "those days." I AM AWARE I HAVE MY HANDS FULL. This is my life. Be nice or mind your own fucking business.


Friday, August 23, 2013

Not again

And here I go. Not blogging all summer.

Iris is now 11 months old. Lily is 6 years. Eric is 10. Gamma is finally potty trained and will start preschool next month.

Life is good. :-)

We've had a wonderful summer. Went camping at Lake Wenatchee. It was fun. I love camping and letting the kids be dirty.

Life is always busy with so many kids. I really wouldn't want it any other way.

Monday, March 11, 2013

I don't know how you do it.

I get told this a few times a week. Sometimes once a day. "Four kids! I don't know how you do it!" Well, I'm not sure either. I've had four kids for five months and we are all still alive. I'd call that a victory.

"How do you make dinner?" An extremely rude new person at play group once asked me. She asked me this as I smiled down at my angel Iris. I wanted to ask her the same. The answer is - I just do. I figure it out.

When Iris was new I'd put her in the Moby or the swing or have someone hold her. I don't always have someone around to hold her. I figure it out. Dinner gets made. I buy a lot of frozen veggies that steam in their own package. Dinner gets eaten in 1/4 of the time it takes me to prepare it. Sometimes not eaten at all.

Sometimes, well a lot of the times, I feel overwhelmed. But I'm treasuring every moment I get with these kids. These kids who came from my body. Who all look a little bit like me. Who are all smart, funny, beautiful and caring. Who I love more then anything.

I don't know how I do it. I just do.

Sunday, March 03, 2013

Disneyland and death

We took Eric and Lily to Disneyland for their 4th birthdays. So we wanted to take Gamma for his. We booked hotels and paid for flights. I love Disneyland. I counted down the days until it was the day we would go. We were to leave the day after Gamma's birthday. I planned a small family gathering on his actual birthday. Our bags were packed. I thought we were all ready. I thought it would be the best week ever.

Then we woke up the morning of my Gamma's fourth birthday. I had many missed called and text messages. My husband's father had passed away. That day. On my third baby's fourth birthday.

Husband and I were devastated. We both cried. We could hear the three older kids playing and laughing in the playroom down the hall. He said he didn't want to ruin Gamma's birthday. He didn't want them to know yet. He decided we'd tell them after Disneyland. My father-in-law would have wanted them to have a fun trip.

So I put on my best happy mom face. I made a silly minecraft cake. I got happy balloons for my boy. We sang him happy birthday. We gave him presents. He had a fun day. We cried again after all the kids were in bed.

We put our sorrow on hold. We got up at 3 a.m. the next day. We went to Disney land. We smiled and ate junk food. We saw shows. We had fun.

Then we flew from California to Ohio to attend the funeral. During our layover in the crappy Denver airport we told the kids. They cried. We held them and comforted them as best as we could.

We attended the funeral. The service was really nice. He had been sick for a few years so this wasn't completely unexpected. We saw our Ohio family. We came home the next day. We will all miss him for the rest of our lives.

That was a week ago and I am still exhausted. I can honestly say this was the worse trip to Disneyland, I've ever taken. I think the kids still had a great time. I took 100 happy pictures. I hope that this does not ruin Gamma's special day for the rest of his life.

Every life is important. Every death is a loss. With each loss we learn more. Never take for granted annoying calls from your father-in-law. He might not be around to call you for long.